Navigating the Thanksgiving Table: Keeping Peace and Boundaries with a Dash of Humor
- Counselor Keri Aschoff, LPC, NCC
- Nov 16, 2023
- 5 min read
Updated: Nov 16, 2023
Hello, Kind Souls!
Ah, Thanksgiving!
A time for gratitude, feasting, and... let's be honest, sometimes a big side of family drama!
Before you start strategizing on how to move to the Bermuda Triangle (just kidding!), let's talk about navigating those tricky family dynamics with a blend of humor, compassion, and yes, a healthy serving of boundaries.
Step 1: Prepare with Kindness and Empathy
Remember, everyone comes with their own set of stuffing - I mean, stuff. Understanding starts with empathy. If Aunt Myrtle starts her usual tirade about your career choices, take a deep breath. Imagine her perspective – maybe she wanted to be a moonwalking astronaut but ended up disappointed with an earth-based career instead. Who knows, she might have pictured herself floating in zero gravity, and now the only stars she sees are during her nightly TV shows she watches with Uncle Bob.
Acknowledging this in your mind can add a layer of compassion (and a sprinkle of humor) to your response. It's a gentle reminder that everyone's dreams and realities are different, and sometimes, those unfulfilled dreams end up as unsolicited advice at the dinner table.
Step 2: Serve Up Active Listening
(It's Low Calorie!)
Here’s a fun game: try active listening.
It’s like verbal ping-pong but without the competitive edge. When Uncle Bob launches into his political views, nod and acknowledge, "Hmm, that's an interesting point, Bob."
You're not agreeing, just showing you hear him. It’s a bit like saying, "I see the cranberry sauce on my plate. I acknowledge it. I am not eating it."
But why stop there? Toss in an occasional, "Tell me more," or "How did you come to think that?" It's like gently lobbing the ball back in a friendly rally. The goal here isn't to win the point but to keep the conversational ball bouncing comfortably. This approach not only keeps the peace but also makes Uncle Bob feel heard - which, let's face it, might be all he wants before he passes the gravy boat.
Active listening is the secret ingredient for a smooth, digestible conversation, leaving everyone feeling full but not overstuffed.
Step 3: Gratitude, The Secret Sauce
Gratitude isn't just for the good stuff; it's also for finding little glimmers of hope in a tough situation. If you're dealing with truly challenging family dynamics, focus on the aspects within your control. Maybe the turkey turned out just right, or the pumpkin pie is a slice of heaven. It could even be the crisp fall air outside or the cozy sweater you’re wearing.
There's always something to be grateful for – even if it's just the pie at the end of the meal (Or like I frequently say when Texas heat is high, gratitude for AC!). Redirecting conversations to what you're all thankful for can be a delightful detour from the road to Tension Town. "I'm thankful for life's little wins - like this pumpkin pie! Speaking of wins, who wants a slice?"
Sometimes, the best form of gratitude is appreciating your own strength and resilience. Acknowledge your ability to navigate tough conversations, and give yourself a mental pat on the back for each moment of patience. Redirecting your focus to these personal victories and joys can be a peaceful pivot away from any toxicity at the table.
Step 4: Boundaries – Like Invisible Fences but for Conversations
Boundaries don’t have to be as scary as a burnt turkey. If things get heated, it's okay to say, "I think we see things differently. Let's focus on what brings us together." It's like telling someone they have spinach in their teeth – awkward but necessary.
Setting boundaries doesn't have to be a showdown at the Thanksgiving table. It's more like gently nudging the conversation away from the rocks and back into calm waters. Think of it as the conversational equivalent of steering a wayward shopping cart – it takes a little finesse but gets you safely down the aisle.
Here's How:
Use Humor as a Buffer: When the conversation veers into uncomfortable territory, a light-hearted comment (not sarcasm or mockery) can act as a soft barrier. Picture it as using a feather to redirect a balloon – it's gentle but effective.
The Power of 'I' Statements: Avoid accusations. Instead, use 'I' statements to express your feelings. "I feel a bit overwhelmed talking about this topic right now. How about we discuss [insert safer subject] instead?"
The Artful Topic Change: Have a list of neutral topics ready. It's like having a playlist for a road trip – when one song (or topic) grinds your gears, switch to the next.
The Kind Refusal: If asked to dive into a debate or sensitive issue, a polite, "I’d prefer to keep things light today," can be a simple yet firm boundary.
Physical Space as a Boundary: If things get too intense, it's okay to take a physical break. Excuse yourself for a moment of fresh air or to check on something in the kitchen. It's like hitting the pause button on a movie – sometimes you just need a break.
Step 5: The Art of the Graceful Exit
If all else fails, have an escape plan. Maybe it’s helping in the kitchen or playing with the kids (or the dog – dogs are great listeners). A simple, "Excuse me, I think I hear my sweet potato casserole calling," can work wonders.
Remember:
Kindness is Key: Just like you, everyone is fighting a battle. A little kindness and a smile can be as comforting as my mom's carrot cake (delicious!).
Empathy is Empowering: Understanding doesn’t mean agreeing. It means extending the olive branch (or the olive tray).
Boundaries Bring Harmony: Set them gently, like placing a centerpiece on the table, not like slamming down a gravy boat.
So, there you have it, folks! Thanksgiving – a time to be thankful, to practice kindness and empathy, and yes, to navigate the quirky waters of family dynamics.
At KindWorks Counseling, we believe in the transformative power of kindness – at the Thanksgiving table and beyond. Here’s to a holiday filled with laughter, understanding, and maybe just a tiny bit of drama (for old times’ sake).
Happy Thanksgiving!
About the Author - Counselor Keri Aschoff, LPC-Associate, NCC
Keri Aschoff, founder and counselor at KindWorks Counseling, is dedicated to helping adults and adolescents through a whole-body integrative therapy approach to heal emotional wounds from their life's hardships and traumas.
She specializes in transforming adversity into hope and healing. Specific areas of expertise are adults and adolescents who have experienced trauma (including betrayal, childhood abuse, and medical/illness), C-PTSD, Chronic/Serious Illness (especially dysautonomia/POTS/EDS) and Borderline Personality Disorder.
Keri is a self-professed neuro-science research nerd who loves to use her free time to read the latest research and deep dive into additional training to help her clients even more effectively. She is EMDR trained, certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and currently pursuing her PhD in Health Science Trauma Informed Care at Liberty University. She also integrates DBT, IFS parts work, somatic therapy, polyvagal theory, and Structural Dissociation Model in her work.
Keri Aschoff, LPC-Associate, NCC - Kind Works Counseling
Supervisor: Jackeline Hurtado, LPC-S - License Texas 65735 at The Lotus Circle Counseling
929-777-5463 (KIND)
Helping clients in-person Katy & Cypress Tx and online throughout Texas
Follow us on Facebook: Kind Works Counseling
Instagram: @KindWorksTherapist
Psychology Today Profile: Keri Aschoff
Comentarios