Understanding Our Anxiety: A Protective Friend (Who Sometimes Cares a Little Too Much)
- Counselor Keri Aschoff, LPC, NCC
- Jun 5, 2024
- 6 min read
In our fast-paced, high-demand world, feelings of anxiety can often seem like a constant companion. It nudges us when an important meeting looms on the horizon, or it reminds us to double-check that the doors are locked at night. At its core, anxiety is similar to a well-meaning friend who sometimes does not know when to step back.
Why Do We Feel Anxious?
Anxiety is not merely a reaction; it is a built-in protective mechanism. Our brains are designed to anticipate future needs and protect us from potential threats. When you experience anxiety, your brain is essentially trying to forecast what might happen, drawing on a reservoir of past experiences. It is like having a personal bodyguard who is always on alert, ensuring that you are prepared for any possibility.
However, like anything in excess, too much anxiety can be problematic. Sometimes, our internal bodyguard becomes overly vigilant, seeing potential disasters at every turn, even when we are safe. This heightened state of alert includes numerous body reactions (heart racing, muscle tension, stomach ache, and more) which can make everyday situations seem much more daunting than they actually are.
When Anxiety Becomes Overzealous
Consider the scenario of planning to attend a social event. A reasonable level of anxiety might prompt you to think about when to leave the house or check GPS for any possible traffic along the way. But an overzealous anxiety might flood you with worries: "What if no one speaks to me?", "What if I say something embarrassing?", or "What if it turns out to be a disaster?" These thoughts are not only unhelpful, they can be paralyzing (freeze response). This can become so overwhelming that you may skip the party altogether which can reinforce this fear stronger in the future.
It is crucial to recognize when anxiety is no longer being a helpful companion and instead becomes a hindrance. This recognition is the first step towards managing it effectively.
Understanding Anxiety Triggers: Safety, Control, and Connection
Anxiety often arises from perceived threats to our safety, sense of control, and connection to others and ourselves. These perceptions span various aspects of our lives, from physical well-being to emotional relationships and financial stability. Gaining a deeper understanding of these triggers can significantly enhance our ability to manage anxiety.
The Anxiety Part of You - Concerned for Your Safety
Safety encompasses numerous aspects including physical, emotional, and financial security.
Physical Safety: Anxiety can be triggered by concerns over physical harm—whether from accidents, natural disasters, or personal threats. This fear can lead to avoiding certain activities or places.
Emotional Safety: Fears of emotional harm such as rejection, betrayal, or humiliation can trigger anxiety. This often results in reluctance to engage deeply in relationships or persistent worry about others' perceptions.
Financial Safety: Anxiety related to financial stability, such as concerns about job security, unexpected expenses, or inadequate savings, can significantly impact daily life and long-term planning.
Past Trauma / Life Hardships: Past trauma and hardships can deeply influence how individuals perceive and react to issues related to safety, often triggering anxiety responses. When someone has experienced significant trauma, such as abuse, accidents, or extreme loss, their nervous system may become hyper-vigilant, always on the lookout for potential threats to avoid a recurrence of past pain.
This heightened state of alert can make everyday environments and situations seem overwhelming with danger, even when they are objectively safe. This protective mechanism, while crucial for survival during the initial trauma, can persist long after the danger has passed, leading individuals to experience disproportionate levels of anxiety in response to minor or non-threatening stimuli. Addressing these triggers through therapeutic interventions can help recalibrate perceptions of safety, allowing individuals to distinguish between past threats and present realities, thereby reducing the frequency and intensity of anxiety reactions.
The Anxiety Part of You: Concerned for Your Sense of Control
A sense of control is crucial for mental well-being, and its lack can be a powerful anxiety trigger:
Lack of Control: Situations where individuals feel life is controlled by external factors—like in certain work environments or relationships—can lead to heightened anxiety.
Feeling Stuck: The sensation of being stuck in an undesirable situation, whether in a career, relationship, or due to financial constraints, can foster persistent anxiety.
Limited Choices: Feeling that there are few viable options available, whether due to resource scarcity, restrictive societal roles, or other barriers, can intensify feelings of anxiety.
Find yourself in a tough situation with what appears to be little control? Look for your choices. Even "blah" choices helps your anxiety part and nervous system to feel a little more in control when you seek your choices in the situation.
The Anxiety Part of You: Concern for Your Connection to Self and Others
Connection refers to our relationships with others and ourselves, and disruptions here can also be significant sources of anxiety:
Disrupted Relationships: Anxiety can spike from the fear of losing important relationships or the inability to form meaningful connections due to social anxiety or past traumas.
Self-Disconnect: Feeling out of touch with oneself, not understanding or liking who one is, or feeling one's true self is not acceptable can trigger deep anxiety.
Isolation: Physical or emotional isolation, especially if not by choice, can lead to overwhelming feelings of anxiety and loneliness.
Strategies for Managing Anxiety by Addressing Triggers
Effectively managing anxiety involves understanding its triggers and developing strategies to address these underlying issues.
Identify Current Triggers: Begin by observing when and where your anxiety pops up. Seek to understand what specifically triggers your anxiety—look for the possible triggers to your safety, control, or connection.
Look for Cues of Safety, Control, and Connection: Once you identify triggers, look for cues in your environment that can reinforce feelings of safety, autonomy, and connectedness. Using your 5 senses can also help give your anxiety part calming cues. For example, finding something soft to hold, smelling a pleasant aroma, walking in nature and noticing the sounds can help "tell" your nervous system anxiety part that you are completely safe in that moment. Intentionally noticing how you are completely safe in the moment using your 5 senses can help you shrink how big your anxiety feels in your body as well.
Meet Your Needs of Safety, Control, and Connection: If you identified a trigger to your safety, control, and connection, seek ways to fulfill these needs. Consider setting healthier personal boundaries to feel more secure in your relationships, or making choices that boost your sense of control over your life, such as organizing your time or finances better. Also, try to engage in community activities or spend more time with friends and family to strengthen your social connections. These efforts can make a big difference in how safe, empowered, and supported you feel every day, helping to ease your anxiety.
Mindfulness and Relaxation Techniques: Incorporate practices like meditation, deep breathing, or yoga into your routine. These techniques can help reduce the body symptoms of anxiety and promote a sense of calm and presence, which can make it easier to manage anxiety triggers.
In summary, while anxiety might seem like an overprotective friend who gets in our way too much, it is crucial to maintain a balanced relationship with this protective part of ourself. By identifying what triggers our anxiety and addressing these underlying issues through practical strategies, we can teach this protective part when to step up and when to step back. This approach allows us to appreciate the protective intent behind our anxiety while ensuring it does not overwhelm our daily lives.
Ready to heal further? Therapy can help... If identifying triggers or managing anxiety on your own becomes overwhelming, consulting a therapist can provide additional support. Therapy can offer a safe space to explore the roots of your anxiety, develop coping strategies, and learn techniques to manage reactions to triggers more effectively.
I am honored to help clients in-person in Katy, Tx and Cypress, Tx locations or online within the state of Texas. Need to find a licensed therapist near you? I highly recommend going to www.PsychologyToday.com and you can read about different therapists near you trained in anxiety interventions and contact them through the website.
References
Gerlach, A. L., & Gloster, A. T. (2020). Generalized anxiety disorder and worrying: A comprehensive handbook for clinicians and researchers. Wiley Blackwell. https://doi.org/10.1002/9781119189909
About the Author - Keri Aschoff, LPC, NCC
Keri Aschoff, founder and counselor at KindWorks Counseling, is dedicated to helping adults and adolescents through a whole-body integrative therapy approach to heal emotional wounds from their life's hardships and traumas.
She specializes in transforming adversity into hope and healing. Specific areas of expertise are adults and adolescents who have experienced trauma (including betrayal, childhood abuse, and medical/illness), C-PTSD, Chronic/Serious Illness (especially dysautonomia/POTS/EDS) and Borderline Personality Disorder.
Keri is a self-professed neuro-science research nerd who loves to use her free time to read the latest research and deep dive into additional training to help her clients even more effectively. She is EMDR trained, certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and currently pursuing her PhD in Health Science Trauma Informed Care at Liberty University. She also integrates DBT, Parts Work, somatic therapy, polyvagal theory, and Structural Dissociation Model in her work.
Keri Aschoff, LPC, NCC - Kind Works Counseling
929-777-5463 (KIND)
Helping clients in-person Katy & Cypress Tx and online throughout Texas
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