You're Not Broken - You're Brave
- Counselor Keri Aschoff, LPC, NCC
- Mar 29
- 5 min read
Hello Kind Souls,
Let me tell you something that might surprise you... That part of you that shuts down in conflict? The one that overthinks every conversation after the fact? The one that gets anxious before sending a text or speaking up? That part is not broken. That part is brave. It has been trying to protect you in the best way it knows how—with whatever survival tools it picked up along the way.
You Are Not Weak - You Are Wired to Survive
I recently sat with a client who said, “I feel so weak. I hate how I just shut down when I get overwhelmed.”
I validated them, paused and said, “What if that shut down is not weakness—but a learned way your body has kept you safe?” They blinked, as if the thought landed somewhere deeper than expected - not as blame, but as relief.
Here is the thing - Your body’s nervous system encodes patterns of past pain so it can try to protect you in the future. It holds onto the moments that felt unsafe, uncertain, or out of control. It stores the tones, the looks, the slammed doors, and the angry silence.
Even if your mind tries to move on, your nervous system is always on watch, looking for patterns it recognizes from before. And when something feels even a little bit familiar—the raised voice, the disapproval, the tension—your system does not wait, it reacts. Sometimes it fights. Sometimes it runs. And sometimes… it freezes or fawns. Not because you are doing something wrong. But because your nervous system would rather you be safe and protected, even if it is being overprotective in the given situation, than risk more hurt or rejection.
That is not failure. That is survival.
And here is the good news - As we grow and these survival strategies are no longer serving us in the best way, your wiring can be rewired. Not by shame. Not by force. But by awareness, safety, and kindness—the kind you offer to others, and now… to yourself.
The moment healing begins....
The turning point is not when you magically stop reacting. It is when you notice what is happening… and meet it with compassion.
That is where one of my favorite little phrases comes in:
Name it kindly, Breathe into it,
Offer a better message to yourself.
Name it kindly: “I notice my chest is tight. I feel like hiding. This is that freeze feeling showing up again.”
Breathe into it: Place your hand on your heart, take a slow inhale, and a longer exhale. You are signaling your nervous system that it is safe enough now to soften.
Offer a better message: “Thank you for trying to protect me. I am allowed to be here. I can handle this moment.”
Healing Myths
One of the biggest myths I hear is that healing has to feel peaceful, calm, and certain.
But for many of us, healing looks like this:
Getting flooded, then calming down faster than last time.
Saying no, even when your hands shake.
Crying after a boundary, but not undoing it.
Choosing rest, even when your inner critic screams “lazy.”
Feeling the emotion and holding the line anyway.
Your survival patterns deserve compassion—not criticism.
You are not broken. You are wired for survival.
And now, you are learning how to feel safe enough to live differently.
That is not just brave. That is transformation!
I believe in healing with kindness. You are worthy of this!
Because when you give yourself space and grace, healing becomes possible.
Kindness within. Healing begins.
-Counselor Keri
Ready to heal further? Therapy can help... You do not have to figure it all out by yourself. Therapy can be a space to unpack what feels heavy, untangle what keeps showing up, and learn how to respond instead of react. If identifying triggers or managing anxiety on your own feels like too much right now, having someone sit beside you—who understands how the nervous system works—can make a big difference. You are not broken. You are just human. You are worthy to feel peace!
I am honored to help clients in-person in Katy, Tx location or online within the state of Texas. Need to find a licensed therapist near you? I highly recommend going to www.PsychologyToday.com and you can read about different therapists near you trained in anxiety interventions and contact them through the website.
References
Badenoch, B. (2018). The heart of trauma: Healing the embodied brain in the context of relationships. W. W. Norton & Company. https://wwnorton.com/books/9780393712650
Dana, D. (2018). The polyvagal theory in therapy: Engaging the rhythm of regulation. W. W. Norton & Company. https://wwnorton.com/books/9780393712377
Fisher, J. (2017). Healing the fragmented selves of trauma survivors: Overcoming internal self-alienation. Routledge. https://www.routledge.com/Healing-the-Fragmented-Selves-of-Trauma-Survivors-Overcoming-Internal/Fisher/p/book/9780415740900
Neff, K. D. (2011). Self-compassion: The proven power of being kind to yourself. William Morrow. https://www.harpercollins.com/products/self-compassion-kristin-neff
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory: Neurophysiological foundations of emotions, attachment, communication, and self-regulation. W. W. Norton & Company. https://wwnorton.com/books/9780393707007
Siegel, D. J. (2020). The developing mind: How relationships and the brain interact to shape who we are (3rd ed.). Guilford Press. https://www.guilford.com/books/The-Developing-Mind/Daniel-Siegel/9781462545107
van der Kolk, B. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma. Viking. https://www.penguinrandomhouse.com/books/227013/the-body-keeps-the-score-by-bessel-van-der-kolk-md/
About the Author - Keri Aschoff, LPC, NCC
Keri Aschoff, founder and counselor at KindWorks Counseling, is dedicated to helping adults and adolescents through a whole-body integrative therapy approach to heal emotional wounds from their life's hardships and traumas.
She specializes in transforming adversity into hope and healing. Specific areas of expertise are adults and adolescents who have experienced trauma (including betrayal, childhood abuse, and medical/illness), C-PTSD, Chronic/Serious Illness (especially dysautonomia/POTS/EDS) and Borderline Personality Disorder.
Keri is a self-professed neuro-science research nerd who loves to use her free time to read the latest research and deep dive into additional training to help her clients even more effectively. She is EMDR trained, certified Clinical Trauma Professional, and currently pursuing her PhD in Health Science Trauma Informed Care at Liberty University. She also integrates CBT, DBT, Parts Work, Somatic Therapy, Polyvagal Theory, and Structural Dissociation Model in her work.
Keri Aschoff, LPC, NCC - Kind Works Counseling
929-777-5463 (KIND)
Helping clients in-person Katy Tx and online throughout Texas
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Psychology Today Profile: Keri Aschoff
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